It's been awhile now since I gave out any news, there's not much to talk about. Finals in three weeks time, then attachment in a month from now. I hate that I still have other things to worry about on top of needing to study. My final exam schedule is disgusting, I'm sure when the time comes I'll be as moody and pissed off as a person afflicted with flu. Which is what I also currently feel like, the nose truly is amazingly annoying.
Lost 1kg due to diet but I binge ate yesterday. I dread the coming days where food will be hard to find and studying would make me hungry. Besides all that, my dear old housemate is going to move out. It's rather sad cause I won't be chatting much with her anymore and also someone else will be here by the time I come back from attachment. All those days will be missed.
I also recently got into watching the oh-so-famous series 'Running Man', this show is dangerous. I've slept late because of it. Shall resist watching it late at night. Shall also learn to sleep earlier now, my personality regarding the night is disturbing. I always feel that 9-10 is still early and that bedtime is best at 11-12. But that doesn't mean I sleep right on the dot at 12. So, that's my new mission as well as getting myself used to wearing eye liner and lipstick. I look so old when I wear make up. Then again maybe I should embrace the oldness in me.
I can't think of anything more that I'd like to share. So, enjoy the day and sunshine.
Monday 20 January 2014
Wednesday 11 September 2013
bad manners.
What am I to do with myself? I have horrible manners. I'm vicious and repulsive.
When I was young I had this not-too-wonderful experience of handling a bank employee. She just got mad at me for being ignorant. Besides that I also cannot deal with promoters, they tend to release their frustration on their customers. It is like we have to buy the product.
Anyway, today it happened again. I made the bank promoter angry. I don't know, was I right to listen to her promote her product or was I wrong to lead her on? Ugh...and while I was listening to her I admit I was not real nice and attentive. All my answers were bland and dull. The usual 'Yup', 'Uh-huh' and 'I don't know'. I'm feeling guilty and a bit disappointed, cause she did not take my rejection well and just quickly hang up. Maybe its policy so as to not waste anymore time and money. Oh! I was also thinking darkly that I should make her talk long so that she uses more money for the call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HEAD?!!!! how could I purposely thought that. I suppose from the start of the call I should have said "No, sorry I'm not interested in anything you have to offer." The situation would have been way more simple. Have I not learn anything from past experience?? Apparently, not.
Furthermore, today I got an impromptu lecture from an uncle I usually see and sometimes greet in the campus. It was in Bahasa Malaysia so honestly half the time I had no idea what he was talking about. He spoke real fast so all I could do was look and reply like I understood. The gist of it is that even if I have a weapon I should use my brain and protect my country and family. I suppose I agree with that but even with smarts nothing is certain. I try put the issue of war and chaos at the back of my brain because I'm a coward and I'm selfish, but maybe someday that too will have to go.
note: Final is in 6 days. I'm nervous and yet relaxed. I think I'm in for a ride. Blargh.
When I was young I had this not-too-wonderful experience of handling a bank employee. She just got mad at me for being ignorant. Besides that I also cannot deal with promoters, they tend to release their frustration on their customers. It is like we have to buy the product.
Anyway, today it happened again. I made the bank promoter angry. I don't know, was I right to listen to her promote her product or was I wrong to lead her on? Ugh...and while I was listening to her I admit I was not real nice and attentive. All my answers were bland and dull. The usual 'Yup', 'Uh-huh' and 'I don't know'. I'm feeling guilty and a bit disappointed, cause she did not take my rejection well and just quickly hang up. Maybe its policy so as to not waste anymore time and money. Oh! I was also thinking darkly that I should make her talk long so that she uses more money for the call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HEAD?!!!! how could I purposely thought that. I suppose from the start of the call I should have said "No, sorry I'm not interested in anything you have to offer." The situation would have been way more simple. Have I not learn anything from past experience?? Apparently, not.
Furthermore, today I got an impromptu lecture from an uncle I usually see and sometimes greet in the campus. It was in Bahasa Malaysia so honestly half the time I had no idea what he was talking about. He spoke real fast so all I could do was look and reply like I understood. The gist of it is that even if I have a weapon I should use my brain and protect my country and family. I suppose I agree with that but even with smarts nothing is certain. I try put the issue of war and chaos at the back of my brain because I'm a coward and I'm selfish, but maybe someday that too will have to go.
note: Final is in 6 days. I'm nervous and yet relaxed. I think I'm in for a ride. Blargh.
Friday 30 August 2013
to impulsive ideas
So, I'm sitting here thinking of how to start and thought "Let's just not think anymore."
Today and in fact yesterday was a rather eventful day, if I were compare it with my everyday routine that is.
YESTERDAY : I woke up and headed to Conflict's tutorial, which ended real nice and quick. My lecturer left and so I attacked the lonely computer. But before everyone left a classmate of mine called out to me asking if I went to the replacement class for Land. I gasp and exclaimed "GOT MEH?! I thought not confirmed". She then replied "Yeah, memang pun tak". Being rather horrid in Bahasa Malaysia, I got confused for a moment then it hit me. SHE WAS JOKING. I don't know how she felt but that small prank made me smile widely to myself as it replayed in my mind.
After that, I had another class at two pm by the same lecturer only this time because of the lack of students attending the tutorial he decided to end it early as well. But before that, he was making a phone call. While trying to communicate to the other person he said my name then handed the handphone over to me, saying to talk to the person on the line. Oh God. My lecturer demands more of me than normal, dah la my bahasa teruk. But I somehow managed and got the person on the line to understand my lecturer's request.
TODAY: Getting lost leads you to certain good places, as me and my friend discovered after printing our assignment. She just drove the car and got distracted with all the dog love that when we saw a playground we just stop and went down. Coincidently, the playground had two swings and we both just started swinging away. While doing that we talked about random things, like our own childhood playgrounds, houses with low fences, religion, science and the norms.
About the assignment, I had been struggling with it for somedays and today was the due date. I miraculously completed 7 pages of work and when we sent in the work, my lecturer poked holes in it. I felt so frustrated, I just had to release and celebrate after the few previous maddening days of torturing my brain. So I kept bugging my friend to go karaoke with me but when we reached there the only rooms available costs about RM25 and as I looked at my friend for her opinion she said, "That's a steak". I laughed and we both left disappointed. Still feeling hungry for some fun, we headed for a bowling centre nearby. There we discovered cheap bowling and I had a spare, my friend on the other hand had a strike.
Feeling excited I convinced her to go look at the secluded planetarium that she's been wondering about. It was well kept but you get the feeling of being cut out from the world cause the place looks old and secretive due to the fact that there was no one there at all. It was a big property and exploring it was a treat for any curious soul. We however did not go for the activities provided because we came at near closing time. All in all, today was partly nice. I shouldn't complain.
my sister just asked me whether I'm going to sleep and yeah I should. Need my beauty sleep. Goodnight!
note: i was bowling in my baju kurung. hahaha!
Today and in fact yesterday was a rather eventful day, if I were compare it with my everyday routine that is.
YESTERDAY : I woke up and headed to Conflict's tutorial, which ended real nice and quick. My lecturer left and so I attacked the lonely computer. But before everyone left a classmate of mine called out to me asking if I went to the replacement class for Land. I gasp and exclaimed "GOT MEH?! I thought not confirmed". She then replied "Yeah, memang pun tak". Being rather horrid in Bahasa Malaysia, I got confused for a moment then it hit me. SHE WAS JOKING. I don't know how she felt but that small prank made me smile widely to myself as it replayed in my mind.
After that, I had another class at two pm by the same lecturer only this time because of the lack of students attending the tutorial he decided to end it early as well. But before that, he was making a phone call. While trying to communicate to the other person he said my name then handed the handphone over to me, saying to talk to the person on the line. Oh God. My lecturer demands more of me than normal, dah la my bahasa teruk. But I somehow managed and got the person on the line to understand my lecturer's request.
TODAY: Getting lost leads you to certain good places, as me and my friend discovered after printing our assignment. She just drove the car and got distracted with all the dog love that when we saw a playground we just stop and went down. Coincidently, the playground had two swings and we both just started swinging away. While doing that we talked about random things, like our own childhood playgrounds, houses with low fences, religion, science and the norms.
About the assignment, I had been struggling with it for somedays and today was the due date. I miraculously completed 7 pages of work and when we sent in the work, my lecturer poked holes in it. I felt so frustrated, I just had to release and celebrate after the few previous maddening days of torturing my brain. So I kept bugging my friend to go karaoke with me but when we reached there the only rooms available costs about RM25 and as I looked at my friend for her opinion she said, "That's a steak". I laughed and we both left disappointed. Still feeling hungry for some fun, we headed for a bowling centre nearby. There we discovered cheap bowling and I had a spare, my friend on the other hand had a strike.
Feeling excited I convinced her to go look at the secluded planetarium that she's been wondering about. It was well kept but you get the feeling of being cut out from the world cause the place looks old and secretive due to the fact that there was no one there at all. It was a big property and exploring it was a treat for any curious soul. We however did not go for the activities provided because we came at near closing time. All in all, today was partly nice. I shouldn't complain.
my sister just asked me whether I'm going to sleep and yeah I should. Need my beauty sleep. Goodnight!
note: i was bowling in my baju kurung. hahaha!
Saturday 24 August 2013
fasting again
it is already almost the ending of august and I have just gotten the motivation to write the first post of the month. funny how after reading a relative's blog I felt a bit stung by her words. Do forgive me if I've caused some pain by what I convey here. There is no excuse to hurting someone even if we are strangers.
And so, my hari raya this year turned out rather well. I was afraid of arriving at my grandmother's house earlier than everyone else but it was not bad at all. Spent the days in a way relaxing since part of the afternoon and evening was just me reading and sleeping. But after a while I got tired of being helpful so I just ran away from the kitchen. Also this year, I prayed at the mosque there which I never did before. it was surprisingly not full. Coming from the city the mosques are always full and overflowing.
Besides that, I enjoyed celebrating yet again another festive season with all my family and relatives. Insyallah, the next one will be just as good or even better. After coming back to uni, I still felt like I was fasting and so I just ate less than before. Thinking of losing more weight if possible and I am now fasting again to fulfil the six days of fasting in Syawal. If today ends well I'll be left with three more days. HAR HAR HAR!
Additionally I'm in the middle of a really complicated and tough assignment because rather than 5 people this assignment consist only of me and my friend, Nadwa. I'm getting headache and stomach pain from the stress. And I rarely get headaches. But what must be done must be done. So I hope I do it good and well. Other than that, mid term results are out and they are not pretty. Can only blame myself, I'm rather surprised that I manage to get close to ten for Land Law 1 but that is still a fail so I shouldn't go celebrating or something.
Oh, I also recently found a tennis ball in a dried drain, it was like an adventure when I had to go in and retrieve it. But now that little tennis ball is now my new darling. Helps me stretch out and move. Always did wonder what could I do to workout a bit in this small apartment. God works in wondrous ways. I'm eating pasta tonight when I break my fast. I should probably go cook the sausages now. Goodbye and good day!
note: feels empty if i don't put this.
Monday 22 July 2013
sea witch
now it has happen once or twice where i have mistaken my dreams as memories. and i am forgetting things faster now. example, today i have no idea where my land law act is. i thought of bringing it out with me, but i realize that throughout the whole journey and lecture the book may have not been with me. hence, as i type this out in the library i hope my book is laying somewhere safe in my room.
and yesterday me and my friend did a health check up. it can be confirmed that my height is officially 159 cm. harharharharhar, wish i was taller then my weight would be nearer to my ideal weight and so my younger sister doesn't reach my height. as at the number where i am........i should lose 6 more kg. it is so sad to know that after more than one month from home i am still at the same number. this is not good at all.
my mind is at the moment filled with thinking about assignments, studies, fees, money, weight, missing statute, manga and transport. my friend has advised me to buy tickets during this week and not to commit suicide by buying later.
i wonder if it is really unfair of me being so laid back here....i mean its not like its so easy but i guess people make you feel guilty for the way u live. i think most of the times i just push it to the back of my mind and try put up all sorts of mind walls around that issue. conclusion, i hesitate to go back there again.
also i figured out why i don't like seemingly nice people, it is cause of pity. i leave the entry at this because like i got work to do and i read somewhere people who talk alot do alot of mistake. don't if that applies here but i'm thinking it does.
note: my ramadan.......somehow i kind of do wish the month was longer.
and yesterday me and my friend did a health check up. it can be confirmed that my height is officially 159 cm. harharharharhar, wish i was taller then my weight would be nearer to my ideal weight and so my younger sister doesn't reach my height. as at the number where i am........i should lose 6 more kg. it is so sad to know that after more than one month from home i am still at the same number. this is not good at all.
my mind is at the moment filled with thinking about assignments, studies, fees, money, weight, missing statute, manga and transport. my friend has advised me to buy tickets during this week and not to commit suicide by buying later.
i wonder if it is really unfair of me being so laid back here....i mean its not like its so easy but i guess people make you feel guilty for the way u live. i think most of the times i just push it to the back of my mind and try put up all sorts of mind walls around that issue. conclusion, i hesitate to go back there again.
also i figured out why i don't like seemingly nice people, it is cause of pity. i leave the entry at this because like i got work to do and i read somewhere people who talk alot do alot of mistake. don't if that applies here but i'm thinking it does.
note: my ramadan.......somehow i kind of do wish the month was longer.
Sunday 14 July 2013
towers of paper
Ramadan is in! and i'm super lazy on the weekends. what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i be up and learning at the early morning? i'm hating myself more than before. especially cause with so many work i should realize that the situation is going to explode in my face.
Few days back my friend seems real motivated to lose her weight. i'm thinking how i envy that motivation, and start to wish she wouldn't change. Gawd, i'm an awful friend. Maybe what i need to some restructuring of my books and things. a lecturer once told me she liked to do that so she would feel refreshed. i plan to do just that, who cares if i sleep late. i obviously do not deserve anymore shut eye after what i did for the whole morning.
I'm thinking i should also move the pasting on my wall around. a change of scenery yeah. and now i've got nothing to say but that i've been too lazy and i pray ALLAH S.W.T. give me motivation and strength to finish what i've taken upon myself. Amin.
note: Bazaar Ramadan is dangerous. Buying too many things that i don't need.
Few days back my friend seems real motivated to lose her weight. i'm thinking how i envy that motivation, and start to wish she wouldn't change. Gawd, i'm an awful friend. Maybe what i need to some restructuring of my books and things. a lecturer once told me she liked to do that so she would feel refreshed. i plan to do just that, who cares if i sleep late. i obviously do not deserve anymore shut eye after what i did for the whole morning.
I'm thinking i should also move the pasting on my wall around. a change of scenery yeah. and now i've got nothing to say but that i've been too lazy and i pray ALLAH S.W.T. give me motivation and strength to finish what i've taken upon myself. Amin.
note: Bazaar Ramadan is dangerous. Buying too many things that i don't need.
Friday 5 July 2013
no way gone
mid term season is in, and assignments are hatchings? my mind is haunted by this fear that i'm not prepared for the up coming troubles. that and the fact that ramadhan is starting next week. i watched this video and supposedly i should celebrate this incredible month but truthfully i'm quite terrified. don't know how it is any different from the last years but there it is.
having just gone through a discussion session with a close friend i'm lost on how i should view the world. openly? or conservatively? either way, i just hope that i'm not pressing her with stupid thoughts. which is highly likely a possible outcome to what i have done. ugh....
i've also recently been getting too many teasing remarks about an admirer. i've got issues with the opposite gender and let's just say i'm okay being cold towards them. of course this would affect my whole life and reputation but i can't help but see them as dangerous. anyway, the teasing is to the point where i am so annoyed i might be glaring at the admirer. and then there is the information given to my friend about secret pictures. hrmm...
whatever lah. i leave it all to Allah S.W.T..
additionally, i just realised that for this whole trimester i would have to wake up early daily. personally i don't understand how morning people do it, i mean it sounds very miraculous for them to wake up early and not want to go back to bed. wish i had this super power. hahaha, of all things to ask.
i'd like to conclude this entry with the fear of going back to kampung for raya. sure sometimes i enjoy it but overall i always silently dread it. kind of a love and hate thing? i don't know. i think people who are not as loving as me may understand the awkwardness and tiring situation that is present when meeting family.
note: i'm doom to spinsterhood and maybe loneliness.
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