busy bee

this month, i am having to do lots of work. and i may have been too annoyed. im actually pretty lazy to type down anything right now. i have to prepare for tutorial and finish off two assignments. im grateful that i could only register for two subjects. even as it is im pretty packed up. i look at my arms and tell myself to go exercise but, damn. can i say im too lazy? anyway, besides that i also have to finish up these books ive decided to read. i wish i could just finish it off in one go. like some incredible bookworm. 

having applied for internet banking i took up some responsibilities, and one of them is buying airplane tickets. somehow, i dunno. it feels like the money is slipping through my fingers. i want to go work. but im too scared to just do it. i see the part timer sign and i urge myself. but alas, i still find myself passing by it and not entering. why is it that i can find courage for some ridiculous things but not for the important aspects in life. like making more friends, joining more activities, going into random shops, .....gah. im even afraid to try new food. im ashamed of myself. i want to be more outgoing but ive been so me that i cant. (i know stupid excuse)

doing new things, now that should be something on my list on everyday of my life. hahahaha, like that would actually happen. well maybe per month or per week. potato, ive got other things to do then try out new things. grr, make up your mind Baica. please, my mind is not the only authority here. to end this, ive dyed my hair. tehee!

note: i chose the color light golden brown cause my mum said to pick brown. its different and well its something new as well.

yearning for excitement

hellooooo! hello there!

lots has happened since my last post, I celebrated my friend's birthday at Seoul Garden (this Korean buffet restaurant). I must admit I did indeed forgot her birthday and thus had not prepared any gift. But not to worry I bought her some expensive ice creams as her present. *granted it was so expensive she paid half of it, cause well she really wanted it. 

Next, I, for the first time in my life sang to karaoke until my voice sounded hoarse. It was kind of awesome to have used and stretched my voice to a point where it could no longer be the same but this was very-very short term. after dinner my voice became normal again. Most people ask me what songs I sang, here are a few. White flag by Dido, Rolling in the deep by Adele, Superman by Five for Fighting, Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin, James Morrison and Nelly Furtado's "Broken Strings" as well as "A hero of War" by Rise Against.

And.......I attended an event that was all the way in Cyberjaya. The uni that it was at was so amazing! the buildings! the design! the majestic feeling! I got jealous of it for a moment then realized how tiring schooling in such a place would be. Still that is not my goal in going there, the event itself was pretty good. I just signed up cause I was rather bored and all the travelling was real adventuress. Sad to say, some did not enjoy it as much but oh well. 

Lastly, I've so far have attended all except one class among all my lectures and tutorials. Am getting sleepy so I should end this quick and painless. YEAH! zz....so I said I did lots of things but now that it's out here it looks not that much. what to do, life hasn't really given me a tornado. but I trust soon will be the time I panic, for assignments would come sailing in along with their good friend the mid terms. Conclusion, I should gear up and prep. Night.

note: met and talked with some nice girls in the event but i find myself to be really not interested when someone complains to me. hai...

a new sem, a new resolve.

It's been some time since the last post. The reason why I haven't been updating is because I was at home in Sabah so updating it seemed rather not worth it if my sister already knows what I'm doing. (Since it was cause of her that I started this). That and well I was really into my holiday mood.

Speaking of Sabah, I am ill equip to say anything so no comment. But concerning my new resolve, it came to me during my visit to kampung. By travelling there I am enlighten on my sinful ways. And of how ignorant I am on my religion. Hence, the new resolve is to be constant in my prayers, learn more of Islam and learn to like waking up early. Oh and another one, inspired by the quotes on my lecturer's door is to live without worry and haste. In conclusion, living in a calm sense I suppose. Tis the truth I feel that I stress over things too much. 

On another note, I'm thinking I should get a broadband to ease my everyday life with faster connection. Saying that I should also remember that by applying for one I would incur a lost of RM100 and perhaps even more stress. I should plan this cautiously. Many things to do and I've no idea where to start. God send me a sign! I'm in need of directions. I end this post with warm wishes to everyone whose got things to do. Have fun and good day!

note: I passed all my subjects! Alhamdulillah.

go find my shoes.

Bullshit!

Ahem, sorry to start the first entry of the month with that word but I got some exorcising to do. Having not done the best that I can for an exam paper I'm taking for the second time, I'm feeling a little panicked and distracted by the horror of my results. Also, I will not hesitate to imagine your murder if you say it's my own fault. SERIOUSLY, DON'T.

Tomorrow is the last paper and it's also a DEATH-INDUCING-FRIEND-FROM-HELL paper. I should use more of my time to study for it but like said I'm in the progress of exorcising. After finishing the exams I would then have four fabulously long and torturous weeks before coming face to face with my exam results. The joy I now possess in knowing what lies in my future. jbdsfksdfuio, T_T

I just wish exams were like getting a cut, the pain comes quick. Well I'm off now, wish me luck.

note: i'm no kind human, if i could i'd rather be some tree in a random forest.

when did it start?

Sometimes don't you ever wonder when did it start?

I have this fear for people which i'm sure many can relate to, but i wondered when did it start? Was it when i realized the world was confined to what people thought of? Was it when i saw my ugly sides? Was it when i lost trust in strangers? Was it when the world opened my eyes? Whenever it was, i'm still haunted by it.

But heck another version of me without this fear may prove to be just as unattractive to me. Still, i cant help but feel that i lose something in exchange for this choice of living, of fearing. Truth is you always have to give up something when you choose. I've never really thought on whether i did choose it. more like, i couldn't run from it. Its a part of me. Instinct, a feeling from a certain emotion..........it's not even explainable. But its strong.

I'm just rambling i suppose, you might not even get it and i don't blame you. It just means you are clean perhaps even pure for not being suspicious of people the way i am. Sadly enough this proves that i'm weak. Oh well, Laa hawlaa wa laa quawatta illah billah.

note: how come the time for my blog is not same as my computer?? 

Suddenly missing

i was thinking of how i'm currently still hoping to find my missing letter and that this hide-and-seek game is too tiring. then suddenly, i missed playing my childhood games. the moments where i would scream as i ran about and feel the adrenaline rushing through me. ahh, wish i could do that again. wish i had all that energy and zest in me. wish i was still naive to everything. wish i was still full of potential to overcome anything. 

wishing, that's all i'm doing. what a lazy thing i am. next time i meet my old friends, i think i'll suggest a game of ice-and-fire or taxi. we'd be awkward about it i suppose but then this is the only option available to relive that part of my life. that or dream.......

was talking about this once during dinner with my friend. her reply was that "All you need is a playground." it somehow made sense, but no playground it designed for older and more heavier people is there? still i would also need playmates to actually enjoy said playground. Now i'm reminded of how lonely an empty playground is hahahahaha...

i'll end this before i get more nostalgic and sad. below are explanations to the games, i hope i got it right.

note: 
ice-and-fire> where the amount of people are separated equally into the groups of ice and fire. the ices are then to chase and freeze all the fire to win the game. but, the fires are allowed to save their friends by touching them and yelling fire. to freeze the fire, the ices have to touch and yell ice. i forgot, can the ice turn to fire? i think you can or else wouldn't the game just be never ending?

taxi (my school's version?) > where everyone was to never touch the ground and there was one enemy. the enemy was to close his/her eyes and touch around to find people. once touched you're out of the game. ahh, this game is abit like hide-and-seek huh.

hide-and-seek> do i even need to explain? its a famous game among kids of many cultures still it may differ right. so, basically there is again only one enemy. he/she was to count to a certain number and then seek for those who went to hide when he was counting. warning: when he/she was counting, that person must have closed their eyes.

a digestion condition

had diarrhea at the start of the year and thought to myself, maybe just maybe my family has digestion problems?

my elder sister is said to have a sensitive gastric condition, sounds a bit exaggerated but i find medical terms should give of that feeling.

anyway, im rather prone to having lots of diarrhea but the doctor said having it alot isnt a problem. however, you tend to lose alot of water when you go through diarrhea so that maybe a danger. still, its okay and actually more preferable compared to flu, fever or gastric for me. the pain is only for some time and it has medicine that can cure it quickly. 

this time i think it was the overdose of cheese that triggered it. that day i had decided to go out to celebrate new year (in a way). so because i went to a favourite bakery of mine, i bought all sorts of cheese filled bun. my mistake. a bakery is very dangerous, it always has been. i find it amazing when people can bake so well, im not even sure if i could produce some decent cookies. 

aside from that, i watched Les Miserables yesterday. its a very touching movie although rather weird cause its a musical. my tudung was wet with tears after it ended. so for those who havent watched it and are the easily teary kind, do bring tissues. you may just need it.

and lastly, i have now three more assignments to go and so many tutorials too. so bye bye!

note: my cute lecturer is single! hahahaha! can admire without guilt.