to impulsive ideas

So, I'm sitting here thinking of how to start and thought "Let's just not think anymore."

Today and in fact yesterday was a rather eventful day, if I were compare it with my everyday routine that is.

YESTERDAY : I woke up and headed to Conflict's tutorial, which ended real nice and quick. My lecturer left and so I attacked the lonely computer. But before everyone left a classmate of mine called out to me asking if I went to the replacement class for Land. I gasp and exclaimed "GOT MEH?! I thought not confirmed". She then replied "Yeah, memang pun tak". Being rather horrid in Bahasa Malaysia, I got confused for a moment then it hit me. SHE WAS JOKING. I don't know how she felt but that small prank made me smile widely to myself as it replayed in my mind.

After that, I had another class at two pm by the same lecturer only this time because of the lack of students attending the tutorial he decided to end it early as well. But before that, he was making a phone call. While trying to communicate to the other person he said my name then handed the handphone over to me, saying to talk to the person on the line. Oh God. My lecturer demands more of me than normal, dah la my bahasa teruk. But I somehow managed and got the person on the line to understand my lecturer's request.

TODAY: Getting lost leads you to certain good places, as me and my friend discovered after printing our assignment. She just drove the car and got distracted with all the dog love that when we saw a playground we just stop and went down. Coincidently, the playground had two swings and we both just started swinging away. While doing that we talked about random things, like our own childhood playgrounds, houses with low fences, religion, science and the norms. 

About the assignment, I had been struggling with it for somedays and today was the due date. I miraculously completed 7 pages of work and when we sent in the work, my lecturer poked holes in it. I felt so frustrated, I just had to release and celebrate after the few previous maddening days of torturing my brain. So I kept bugging my friend to go karaoke with me but when we reached there the only rooms available costs about RM25 and as I looked at my friend for her opinion she said, "That's a steak". I laughed and we both left disappointed. Still feeling hungry for some fun, we headed for a bowling centre nearby. There we discovered cheap bowling and I had a spare, my friend on the other hand had a strike.

Feeling excited I convinced her to go look at the secluded planetarium that she's been wondering about. It was well kept but you get the feeling of being cut out from the world cause the place looks old and secretive due to the fact that there was no one there at all. It was a big property and exploring it was a treat for any curious soul. We however did not go for the activities provided because we came at near closing time. All in all, today was partly nice. I shouldn't complain.

my sister just asked me whether I'm going to sleep and yeah I should. Need my beauty sleep. Goodnight!

note: i was bowling in my baju kurung. hahaha!

fasting again

it is already almost the ending of august and I have just gotten the motivation to write the first post of the month. funny how after reading a relative's blog I felt a bit stung by her words. Do forgive me if I've caused some pain by what I convey here. There is no excuse to hurting someone even if we are strangers. 

And so, my hari raya this year turned out rather well. I was afraid of arriving at my grandmother's house earlier than everyone else but it was not bad at all. Spent the days in a way relaxing since part of the afternoon and evening was just me reading and sleeping. But after a while I got tired of being helpful so I just ran away from the kitchen. Also this year, I prayed at the mosque there which I never did before. it was surprisingly not full. Coming from the city the mosques are always full and overflowing. 

Besides that, I enjoyed celebrating yet again another festive season with all my family and relatives. Insyallah, the next one will be just as good or even better. After coming back to uni, I still felt like I was fasting and so I just ate less than before. Thinking of losing more weight if possible and I am now fasting again to fulfil the six days of fasting in Syawal. If today ends well I'll be left with three more days. HAR HAR HAR! 

Additionally I'm in the middle of a really complicated and tough assignment because rather than 5 people this assignment consist only of me and my friend, Nadwa. I'm getting headache and stomach pain from the stress. And I rarely get headaches. But what must be done must be done. So I hope I do it good and well. Other than that, mid term results are out and they are not pretty. Can only blame myself, I'm rather surprised that I manage to get close to ten for Land Law 1 but that is still a fail so I shouldn't go celebrating or something.

Oh, I also recently found a tennis ball in a dried drain, it was like an adventure when I had to go in and retrieve it. But now that little tennis ball is now my new darling. Helps me stretch out and move. Always did wonder what could I do to workout a bit in this small apartment. God works in wondrous ways. I'm eating pasta tonight when I break my fast. I should probably go cook the sausages now. Goodbye and good day!

note: feels empty if i don't put this. 

sea witch

now it has happen once or twice where i have mistaken my dreams as memories. and i am forgetting things faster now. example, today i have no idea where my land law act is. i thought of bringing it out with me, but i realize that throughout the whole journey and lecture the book may have not been with me. hence, as i type this out in the library i hope my book is laying somewhere safe in my room.

and yesterday me and my friend did a health check up. it can be confirmed that my height is officially 159 cm. harharharharhar, wish i was taller then my weight would be nearer to my ideal weight and so my younger sister doesn't reach my height. as at the number where i am........i should lose 6 more kg. it is so sad to know that after more than one month from home i am still at the same number. this is not good at all.

my mind is at the moment filled with thinking about assignments, studies, fees, money, weight, missing statute, manga and transport. my friend has advised me to buy tickets during this week and not to commit suicide by buying later. 

i wonder if it is really unfair of me being so laid back here....i mean its not like its so easy but i guess people make you feel guilty for the way u live. i think most of the times i just push it to the back of my mind and try put up all sorts of mind walls around that issue. conclusion, i hesitate to go back there again.

also i figured out why i don't like seemingly nice people, it is cause of pity. i leave the entry at this because like i got work to do and i read somewhere people who talk alot do alot of mistake. don't if that applies here but i'm thinking it does.

note: my ramadan.......somehow i kind of do wish the month was longer.

towers of paper

Ramadan is in! and i'm super lazy on the weekends. what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i be up and learning at the early morning? i'm hating myself more than before. especially cause with so many work i should realize that the situation is going to explode in my face.

Few days back my friend seems real motivated to lose her weight. i'm thinking how i envy that motivation, and start to wish she wouldn't change. Gawd, i'm an awful friend. Maybe what i need to some restructuring of my books and things. a lecturer once told me she liked to do that so she would feel refreshed. i plan to do just that, who cares if i sleep late. i obviously do not deserve anymore shut eye after what i did for the whole morning.

I'm thinking i should also move the pasting on my wall around. a change of scenery yeah. and now i've got nothing to say but that i've been too lazy and i pray ALLAH S.W.T. give me motivation and strength to finish what i've taken upon myself. Amin.

note: Bazaar Ramadan is dangerous. Buying too many things that i don't need.

no way gone

mid term season is in, and assignments are hatchings? my mind is haunted by this fear that i'm not prepared for the up coming troubles. that and the fact that ramadhan is starting next week. i watched this video and supposedly i should celebrate this incredible month but truthfully i'm quite terrified. don't know how it is any different from the last years but there it is. 

having just gone through a discussion session with a close friend i'm lost on how i should view the world. openly? or conservatively? either way, i just hope that i'm not pressing her with stupid thoughts. which is highly likely a possible outcome to what i have done. ugh.... 

i've also recently been getting too many teasing remarks about an admirer. i've got issues with the opposite gender and let's just say i'm okay being cold towards them. of course this would affect my whole life and reputation but i can't help but see them as dangerous. anyway, the teasing is to the point where i am so annoyed i might be glaring at the admirer. and then there is the information given to my friend about secret pictures. hrmm... 

whatever lah. i leave it all to Allah S.W.T..

additionally, i just realised that for this whole trimester i would have to wake up early daily. personally i don't understand how morning people do it, i mean it sounds very miraculous for them to wake up early and not want to go back to bed. wish i had this super power. hahaha, of all things to ask. 

i'd like to conclude this entry with the fear of going back to kampung for raya. sure sometimes i enjoy it but overall i always silently dread it. kind of a love and hate thing? i don't know. i think people who are not as loving as me may understand the awkwardness and tiring situation that is present when meeting family.

note: i'm doom to spinsterhood and maybe loneliness.

letting the beast be me

i have long ago been told that i'm too serious. that i cannot take jokes. many may find this a flaw and annoying. but even after those remarks, i'm still me. i can't take jokes. can i say that being serious means you're sincere? that's what i feel being serious is. 

a day back i got sort of in trouble with a friend of mine, Mariah. she's an amazing girl, who shockingly thinks i'm pretty and is my friend. to be my friend i think is a great accomplishment. i'm not friendly, i'm a miser, i'm at many times annoying, i'm a sort of a clean freak and well i'm just not in all a great person. thus, when we fought i started to feel worthless. i mean if i could not keep this friend over a stupid mistake, am i not a horrible friend? a worthless friend?

and bad thoughts tend to lead to other bad thoughts which then brought me to cry. the heart wrenching kind. for me, the nicest kind. i get the feeling of relief after crying. maybe that is weird but i like what i like.

yesterday, i attended this annual seminar my society in the university has and well i managed to stay awake for two speakers! after not having slept the night! unfortunately though, when my academic advisor was giving her lecture, i went to wonderland. damn luck, it was like listening to a hypnosis guru. sleep came like a silent killer. anyway, it was real awesome especially the medical speaker. he was very and i mean very funny. i laughed hard and so did my friend beside me, the whole hall would agree that he was the most entertaining one of the day. okay may be not the whole.

i realize that what i said about being serious and having a fight did not finish so here's the continuing. yeah, i don't care if you're bothered by the way i write. just stop if it hurts. then come back after a panadol. anyway, she was playing a joke on me and i took it seriously thinking that she was mad. but after a silence of 30 minutes, she tells me it's a joke. i'm sure it's there somewhere on my facebook timeline. you may have opinions to which i am not willing to hear so please keep it to yourself. this was a thing between friends. who by the by are still friends. 

i've for a long time not placed an entry so i might as well make this long then. my friend's cat, Kecoh, who loves me a tiny bit, got her leg broken. she now is said to have to limp her whole life. i'm just glad she seems not to find it hard or painful to live with. my mum's birthday is tomorrow! i hope i remember about it. ah shit, and now i remember about my homework. ugh, should start soon but am so lazy. also, made birthday cards for my friends who had and are going to age. 

wat else ah....................................oh HAZE! YES FUDGE THIS HAZE PROBLEM IN MALAYSIA. i hear its getting worse here, my nose has not found it a problem maybe cause i like the smell of burnt wood. but my throat disagrees. i was fasting a few days back so i worry when my throat felt uncomfortable. but i bought some cough syrup so that helps. i take it almost everyday, as to kind of cleanse my respiratory system. 

having classes while also having haze is horrible, it makes you want to just roll in bed and think 'I don't want to go. Haze so bad might as well just stay in bed'. But i did go so no worries on my studies yeah. thought of screwing up my eating habit cause i was gaining weight but now i'm still eating healthy so i don't think i'm disciplined enough with myself. haiya, what to do la. ramadan is coming soon and i have still about 7 days to pay back, yes, yes, i'm such a bad Muslim. i know and i'm still in progress so moving on. i've signed up for three clubs but out of all of them only one is a new choice. oh well, there goes my plan to be social. i can't help it to be social means to be poor. look at their membership fees. can feed me for many days oh! and well others that were cheap didn't interest me.

last input: i admit i am rather messed up, but not critically so. i contradict in my wants and actions but i don't think i mind that. cause i think i don't mind letting the beast in me be me. even if it means i become not nice or unusual. fin.

note: tutorial time. oh hey, tmrw maybe holiday!

different in a day

travelling from sabah back to melaka had been pleasant but reaching my room i revert back to my old hateful habits. one among them is sleeping late, and i mean real late. to which you may call even real early. anyway, i'm having a hard time cleaning up my part of the room cause i seem to have more things then before. that and well i've got things to do at the table hence i cannot tidy said table.

however, do not fret for i have cleaned my bed. there must be something said on how beautiful a newly cleaned bed looks like. the sunshine smell and the unwrinkled bedsheets. simply perfection. Big NEWS! I have a new room mate. Shockingly enough, she came in to the room when i wasn't around and well no one told me of this sudden change. i'm quite annoyed at the management as well as my previous room mate, who by the by i'm not missing yet. i confess me and her could drive each other insane. 

Went on a lunch date with a friend of mine, Eleanor. Spent bout two hours just sitting and talking. i miss home, even before the air plane left Sabah. i wanna go back. i don't care how this entry sounds so uncoordinated. tomorrow school starts.

note: fasting month is coming up and what the heck is wrong with me?! TOMORROW I SHALL FAST! INSYALLAH. 

and crap i accidentally deleted one of my old post. dayum.