when did it start?

Sometimes don't you ever wonder when did it start?

I have this fear for people which i'm sure many can relate to, but i wondered when did it start? Was it when i realized the world was confined to what people thought of? Was it when i saw my ugly sides? Was it when i lost trust in strangers? Was it when the world opened my eyes? Whenever it was, i'm still haunted by it.

But heck another version of me without this fear may prove to be just as unattractive to me. Still, i cant help but feel that i lose something in exchange for this choice of living, of fearing. Truth is you always have to give up something when you choose. I've never really thought on whether i did choose it. more like, i couldn't run from it. Its a part of me. Instinct, a feeling from a certain emotion..........it's not even explainable. But its strong.

I'm just rambling i suppose, you might not even get it and i don't blame you. It just means you are clean perhaps even pure for not being suspicious of people the way i am. Sadly enough this proves that i'm weak. Oh well, Laa hawlaa wa laa quawatta illah billah.

note: how come the time for my blog is not same as my computer??