just the beginning

lately, ive been feeling quite touchy and moody. And hence when i am forced to hold a conversation with a stranger, im no longer my usual self. im told that when i am in the public i become real docile and quiet. but the true me is an aggressive and strict cactus.

few days back i was approached by a saleswoman, who was selling products relating to my religion. i answered her as best as i could but im sure she could tell i was not happy. because i do not find it nice that they use my religion as a pressure for me to buy, even if it was not on purpose. towards the end of that encounter i have a new outlook on promoters now. i wonder why was i so honest to her, giving her the chance to judge me. i saw it in her eyes, she made me feel insulted. is it wrong to live differently, and now i wonder it is wrong for me to complain here. maybe it is.....life feels so restricted all of a sudden.

ive completed all my work and now am trying to start the study engine but, look where i am instead. on this blog. heh, i had a date just now with a friend, she too felt like for these few days murder was hanging on the edge of our minds. tension.. thirst... whatever this is i hope it passes quickly, im starting to think im not in control of myself. but then who said i ever was. great, i must sound crazy already. i miss home. miss my family's voices. one reason why i don't like calling home. 

besides that, new semester is rolling in. got to register for the available subjects, have to meet and discuss with my advisor. i must admit, although i talk about my studies im not an A student. im more of a C and i know the travel from here to A will take more then luck and hard work. still i think im improving, no more supplementary papers! YEAH! most seniors say that the third year will drain us to the bones. and im afraid if they are exaggerating or understating it. even now, me and my coursemates feel the weight of our choice. 

to end this, i shall announce the things i anticipate to happen. Big bad wolf book sale and fun fair! it has been so long since i went to a fun fair maybe five years? i think people would tend to forget the years passed after form 5, at least i do. they seemed to have hidden or merge with other memories. i pray that they all fall on days where i am free and energized. so long and farewell for now. 

note: forgot to put note until after i published. what to say, life is not the problem. i think i am. me have to improve more.

busy bee

this month, i am having to do lots of work. and i may have been too annoyed. im actually pretty lazy to type down anything right now. i have to prepare for tutorial and finish off two assignments. im grateful that i could only register for two subjects. even as it is im pretty packed up. i look at my arms and tell myself to go exercise but, damn. can i say im too lazy? anyway, besides that i also have to finish up these books ive decided to read. i wish i could just finish it off in one go. like some incredible bookworm. 

having applied for internet banking i took up some responsibilities, and one of them is buying airplane tickets. somehow, i dunno. it feels like the money is slipping through my fingers. i want to go work. but im too scared to just do it. i see the part timer sign and i urge myself. but alas, i still find myself passing by it and not entering. why is it that i can find courage for some ridiculous things but not for the important aspects in life. like making more friends, joining more activities, going into random shops, .....gah. im even afraid to try new food. im ashamed of myself. i want to be more outgoing but ive been so me that i cant. (i know stupid excuse)

doing new things, now that should be something on my list on everyday of my life. hahahaha, like that would actually happen. well maybe per month or per week. potato, ive got other things to do then try out new things. grr, make up your mind Baica. please, my mind is not the only authority here. to end this, ive dyed my hair. tehee!

note: i chose the color light golden brown cause my mum said to pick brown. its different and well its something new as well.