sea witch

now it has happen once or twice where i have mistaken my dreams as memories. and i am forgetting things faster now. example, today i have no idea where my land law act is. i thought of bringing it out with me, but i realize that throughout the whole journey and lecture the book may have not been with me. hence, as i type this out in the library i hope my book is laying somewhere safe in my room.

and yesterday me and my friend did a health check up. it can be confirmed that my height is officially 159 cm. harharharharhar, wish i was taller then my weight would be nearer to my ideal weight and so my younger sister doesn't reach my height. as at the number where i am........i should lose 6 more kg. it is so sad to know that after more than one month from home i am still at the same number. this is not good at all.

my mind is at the moment filled with thinking about assignments, studies, fees, money, weight, missing statute, manga and transport. my friend has advised me to buy tickets during this week and not to commit suicide by buying later. 

i wonder if it is really unfair of me being so laid back here....i mean its not like its so easy but i guess people make you feel guilty for the way u live. i think most of the times i just push it to the back of my mind and try put up all sorts of mind walls around that issue. conclusion, i hesitate to go back there again.

also i figured out why i don't like seemingly nice people, it is cause of pity. i leave the entry at this because like i got work to do and i read somewhere people who talk alot do alot of mistake. don't if that applies here but i'm thinking it does.

note: my ramadan.......somehow i kind of do wish the month was longer.

towers of paper

Ramadan is in! and i'm super lazy on the weekends. what the hell is wrong with me? why can't i be up and learning at the early morning? i'm hating myself more than before. especially cause with so many work i should realize that the situation is going to explode in my face.

Few days back my friend seems real motivated to lose her weight. i'm thinking how i envy that motivation, and start to wish she wouldn't change. Gawd, i'm an awful friend. Maybe what i need to some restructuring of my books and things. a lecturer once told me she liked to do that so she would feel refreshed. i plan to do just that, who cares if i sleep late. i obviously do not deserve anymore shut eye after what i did for the whole morning.

I'm thinking i should also move the pasting on my wall around. a change of scenery yeah. and now i've got nothing to say but that i've been too lazy and i pray ALLAH S.W.T. give me motivation and strength to finish what i've taken upon myself. Amin.

note: Bazaar Ramadan is dangerous. Buying too many things that i don't need.

no way gone

mid term season is in, and assignments are hatchings? my mind is haunted by this fear that i'm not prepared for the up coming troubles. that and the fact that ramadhan is starting next week. i watched this video and supposedly i should celebrate this incredible month but truthfully i'm quite terrified. don't know how it is any different from the last years but there it is. 

having just gone through a discussion session with a close friend i'm lost on how i should view the world. openly? or conservatively? either way, i just hope that i'm not pressing her with stupid thoughts. which is highly likely a possible outcome to what i have done. ugh.... 

i've also recently been getting too many teasing remarks about an admirer. i've got issues with the opposite gender and let's just say i'm okay being cold towards them. of course this would affect my whole life and reputation but i can't help but see them as dangerous. anyway, the teasing is to the point where i am so annoyed i might be glaring at the admirer. and then there is the information given to my friend about secret pictures. hrmm... 

whatever lah. i leave it all to Allah S.W.T..

additionally, i just realised that for this whole trimester i would have to wake up early daily. personally i don't understand how morning people do it, i mean it sounds very miraculous for them to wake up early and not want to go back to bed. wish i had this super power. hahaha, of all things to ask. 

i'd like to conclude this entry with the fear of going back to kampung for raya. sure sometimes i enjoy it but overall i always silently dread it. kind of a love and hate thing? i don't know. i think people who are not as loving as me may understand the awkwardness and tiring situation that is present when meeting family.

note: i'm doom to spinsterhood and maybe loneliness.